Wednesday, October 17, 2012

The Waiting Place

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Oh, The Places You'll Go - Dr. Seuss

I sit in The Waiting Place as I type this post. Not a figurative one, an actual Waiting Place -- one of the Waitiest, Weightiest Waiting Places of them all.

I sit in the waiting area of Suburban Hospital in Bethesda, MD as Dr. Pamela Wright removes my wife Kym's right breast and Dr. Doug Forman begins the process of replacing it with something that cosmetically approximates her breast. 

At this particular Waiting Place moment, I am waiting for the news of whether Dr. Wright finds metastases in Kym's axillary lymph nodes to go with the infiltrating ductal carcinoma and two areas of ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS) that were found by ultrasound-guided biopsy on September 11th. That little bit of information, determined by frozen section of her sentinel lymph node, will determine whether Dr. Wright will go further with her surgery and resect two of three layers of Kym's axillary lymph nodes and whether Kym will need to add a course of radiation to her planned chemotherapy.

For those of you still trying to decrypt that last paragraph, here is the sum of it:
The love of my life has breast cancer.

My few years of taking care of patients as an obstetrician/gynecologist gave me a sense of what it is like to watch someone hear the word "cancer" for the first time. Once that word enters the room, it sucks the meaning out of all other utterances, making it difficult to process anything else.

For us, the word's impact is a little less dramatic if only for its familiarity. If you have read any of my other posts on how Kym and I met, married, and "made other plans," you will know that cancer has been a central theme in our lives -- especially in Kym's as her current breast cancer completes her carcinoma trifecta that includes Hodgkin's Lymphoma (in 1983) and melanoma in situ (2004). We know the word cancer is a scary word, but it is not all-powerful, nor is it necessarily an absolute death sentence.

So we wait -- she lying on a surgical table in a dreamless, medicated slumber and I in the relative comfort of the waiting area a few hundred feet away.

We have decided that a good therapy for us will be to write about the journey. We know that the story, however it unfolds, will both help us sort out our feelings and will perhaps give others some perspective as they experience a similar walk through the shadowy corridors of uncertainty and angst. Our own journey has been made less anxious by the postings of people like John Halamka and his wife Kathy as he dutifully chronicled her journey through breast cancer over the last year.

This particular Waiting Place wait is almost over; Dr. Wright will soon come out with the news of how Cancery Kym's cancer is. Then we will enjoy another wait for the more definitive pathology report and then the recovery wait and the chemotherapy start wait and many other waits beyond. But we are not focusing on the wait; our minds and hearts are on the moments that fill the waits, those Magical, Meaningful, Matterful moments that make life worth living.

8 comments:

  1. Ross,
    I'm so sorry. All the best wishes an my prayers to you & Kym.
    On a practical note: Do you have the book "AfterShock" by Jessie Gruman? If not, I highly recommend it for both of you... and I'd be happy to send it to you if you give me an address off line.
    Best of luck,
    Josh

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  2. Ross -

    You are in our hearts and minds always. We are sending as many good thoughts and vibes to you as humanly possible. Let us know if there is anything at all that you need.

    Jason and Yael

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  3. Be assure that you and Kyn are in our family's prayers. --The Malone's

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  4. Ross,

    I Promise I will be holding your family in the LIght. I just read this morning that Shirley Temple Black was one of the first "famous" people to share about her breast cancer. Regina Painted the #BCSM Tweet chat into my jacket. While I'm fortunate so far not have experienced breast cancer, this is a Tweet Chat I participate in simply because it's so remarkable. I learn, they are so gracious and the physicians/Patients/etc all care so deeply for each other. If you have not heard about them or want more info I'd be happy to share.

    Keeping you guys in the LIght,

    Lisa

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  5. Beautiful honesty. Thank you for your perspective. Wishing Kym warm blankets, a strong course through recovery, and continued love and laughter to you both.

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  6. Ross and Kym,
    I'm sitting herein Singapore in shock at your post. I can't find words to even approximate the heaviness in my heart as I think about what Kym and you are going through. Lisa is asleep (we're 12 hours ahead of you) but I can already see the expression on her face, feel the tears on her cheeks that I'll wipe away in the morning, when she awakens and I tell her your news. I'm so very sorry. I know that Kym, especially with you by her side, is strong and positive, well-informed and experienced with this sort of thing. That gives you an advantage I'm sure. So we will hope and pray for the best as you head down this road, and we will look forward to the day -- hopefully very soon -- when we next get together with you both at the other end of the road, to laugh and hug and listen you your songs of triumph. We love you guys and will be thinking of you constantly. Hang in there. Kevin (and Lisa)

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  8. > what it is like to watch someone hear the word "cancer" for the first time.
    > Once that word enters the room, it sucks the meaning out of
    > all other utterances, making it difficult to process anything else.

    Well said. Have you seen this incredible edition of XKCD, from when the love of his life was found to have cancer? Vivid:
    http://xkcd.com/1048/

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